Seven reasons why it is still hard to know when you are being lied to
"You're next in line for a promotion." "Let's have lunch sometime." "I'd love to read your report." "No, those pants don't make you look fat." We get lied to all the time. People are dishonest out of politeness, to avoid punishment, to protect others, or to deliberately mislead for personal gain. Some years back, Tim…
People look for two sets of cues in leaders: one signals warmth and caring, the other power and status. Both are necessary
During a break in a seminar I was conducting on collaborative leadership, a man from the audience told this story: “My wife is an attorney and I’ve always been a supporter of women in the workplace. I also believe in collaboration and try to make everyone feel included and appreciated. So I was taken aback…
Collaboration begins by building on those positive qualities that already exist in your team
Several years ago, I was in Germany working with a group of high-potential employees worldwide. Their organization had identified them as valuable candidates for leadership development. It was quite an event – a week of various topics and speakers with dog sledding as the team-building event the afternoon before my program. (Which was quite a…
The success of any organization or team hinges on the strength of the relationships of its employees
Xerox Corporation, in the 1980s, was looking for a way to boost the productivity of its field service staff. An anthropologist from the Xerox Palo Alto Research Center (PARC) travelled with a group of tech reps to observe how they did their jobs – not how they described what they did, or what their managers…
I've seen how ghosts can haunt organizations around the world. It wouldn't surprise me if your company was also haunted
I not only believe in ghosts, I've seen how they haunt organizations around the world. It wouldn't surprise me if your company were haunted. In fact, I'd be surprised if it weren't! I even wrote a (almost true) story about a young woman chasing a ghost through a parallel universe located in the ventilation system…
See it as an opportunity to expand your network and build your personal brand
The Wall Street Journal says that the reunion season is about 25 per cent busier this year due to the class get-togethers postponed during COVID. Here’s the story With this larger-than-usual attendance, a pent-up desire for in-person connection, and an increase in social anxiety, comes a wonderful opportunity to expand your network and build your…
Your audience isn't only evaluating your words; it is also “reading” your voice
In 2002, a Stanford University professor made audiotapes of physicians and their patients in session. Half of the doctors had previously been brought to court for malpractice. She then played the tapes for her students, who were able to determine which physicians had been sued. But here’s the catch: The recordings were “content-filtered.” All the…
Charismatic leaders utilize a powerful combination of confidence and warmth communication cues
As a leadership presence coach working with an array of talented clients, I was surprised to find how many people believed they lacked personal charisma. They believed, instead, that charisma is a talent granted to a few special people. I disagree. According to the “Cambridge Handbook of Expertise and Expert Performance,” a 900-page academic book,…
A lack of eye contact indicates a lack of interest
You were having an intense conversation with a woman you met at a networking event when she began to shift her gaze from your face to look around the room. Did that make you feel as if she’d stopped listening? If so, it wasn’t a logical reaction. You know that a person doesn’t have to…
Own your success, take your place at the table and power up your body language
Sandra was introduced to me as a highly successful business professional with exceptional leadership skills. She was being groomed for a top executive position and she sounded perfect for my favourite kind of coaching assignment: I love working with accomplished women who are looking to become even more effective. It should have come as a…
Here are my top four strategies
Because I’ve trained them to do so, I know that many negotiators have learned how to read body language and use the resulting insights to their advantage. But I also know that other negotiators miss valuable opportunities simply because they don’t pay attention. They get so wrapped up in what’s being said or in the…
Treat them the way they wish to be treated
Bill Toppeta, a former executive officer of MetLife, Inc., once told the Fordham Leadership Forum, “What you need to know as the leader is what motivates your people, not what motivates you.” To bring this philosophy into reality, here is the simple yet revealing exercise Toppeta used: He would distribute a questionnaire to managers and…
10 sneaky tricks people can use to raise their credibility and lower your guard
During my years as a therapist, it became second nature to notice the body language of my clients. During our conversations, I would sit across from people and try to infer how they really felt about an issue from their nonverbal signals. When clients were authentic, their expressions, gestures, and expressions were aligned with their…
You’ve got to get out there and make sure your colleagues know who you are
There is no doubt that women face unique challenges in being promoted to leadership roles. One of them is the unconscious bias that results in fewer such opportunities being made available to them. In a New York Times article, Isabelle Kocher, former CEO of the French energy company Engie, talked about how sexism in the…
Whether you feel secure or think your job may soon disappear
While we can't control the economy or the other forces of change, we can position ourselves to survive and even thrive in challenging times. Here are a dozen tips to consider, whether you feel secure or think your job may soon disappear: 1. Don't get caught unaware. Too often, workers fail to recognize the early…